Half Full or Half Empty?

“The job interviewer placed half a glass of water on the desk and asked me
if I was an optimist or a pessimist. I drank the water and told him I was a problem solver.”

Friend and business mentor, Steve Seymour, told me this story from the early days of his career.

Ever since I have waited for someone to plunk a glass in front of me and ask the same question.

It hasn’t happened. But I’m ready if it does.

Of course, there are other ways to answer the “Is the glass half full or half empty?” question, including:

• The glass is actually full … half full of water and half full of air.
  
  
• The glass is 2 times bigger than it needs to be.
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job as an engineer, consider rephrasing the answer above: “The volumetric capacity of the vessel is approximately twice of that which is required to contain the entirety of the liquid.”
  
  
• I don’t care … I’m just grateful to have something to drink.
  
  
• Both. The bottom is half full and the top is half empty.
  
  
• Depends on how thirsty I am.
  
  
• Doesn’t matter. The glass is refillable.
  
  
• Depends. Are you dying from thirst or suffocation? Given the situation, what might be mistaken for nothing, might be more valuable than the water.
  
  
• If you're applying for a job in marketing, ask: "Which is the more effective way to position this with the target audience? Half full or half empty?"
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job in IT support, consider suggesting: “Try emptying the glass and then refilling it.”
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job as a business analyst, try: “Move the air to the bottom and the liquid to the top to make it more accessible.”
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job as a psychologist, consider this response: “The glass’s water part refers to positives in life, such as available options and potentials. The empty part of the glass refers to negatives in life, such as hindrances and limitations. To have a healthy outlook, you must acknowledge both.” Or you could just ask: "How does this glass make you feel?"
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job teaching English literature, ask: "What is the symbolism of the glass not being completely full?"
  
  
• If you’re running for political office, say: "The glass would be emptier if the opposition were in charge." If you’re a member of the opposition suggest: “The glass would be full if we were in charge.”
  
  
• If you're applying for an advanced degree in quantum mechanics, cover the glass with a black cloth and refer to it as "Schrödinger's glass of water."
  
  
• If you're applying for a job as an accountant, suggest: "The glass is 50% in the red."
  
  
• If you're applying for a job as a nutritionist, consider stating: "There isn't enough water for a person's daily needs."
  
  
• If you're applying for a job in sales, respond with "Let's talk a bout the benefits of ice."
  
  
• If you need to stall for time, try: “Hey. That's a nice glass.”

Me? I’m emulating Steve. I’m chugging the water and responding: “I’m a problem solver.” 

I might even slam the empty glass on the desktop for emphasis.

The rest of the story. 

When he told me about this moment from his past, Steve added that, in retrospect, it was a ridiculous question to ask in an interview and, if he were ever asked if he was an optimist or a pessimist that way in a business situation, he'd throw the water on questioner and say, "I'm an asshole."

What Can a Copywriter Learn From a Comedy Writer?

Tips on writing from John Swartzwelder.

John Swartzwelder is the legendary writer for the animated TV series The Simpsons. He wrote 59 scripts for the show, more than any other writer in the series history, and is credited as playing a key role in shaping the show into the cultural phenomenon it is today.

The John Swartzwelder method for writing

Since writing is very hard and rewriting is comparatively easy and rather fun, I always write my scripts all the way through as fast as I can, the first day, if possible, putting in crap jokes and pattern dialogue—“Homer, I don’t want you to do that.” “Then I won’t do it.” 

Then the next day, when I get up, the script’s been written. It’s lousy, but it’s a script. The hard part is done. It’s like a crappy little elf has snuck into my office and badly done all my work for me, and then left with a tip of his crappy hat. 

All I have to do from that point on is fix it. So I’ve taken a very hard job, writing, and turned it into an easy one, rewriting, overnight. 

I advise all writers to do their scripts and other writing this way. And be sure to send me a small royalty every time you do it.

Swartzwelder guest appearance on The Simpsons

Since leaving The Simpsons in 2003, Swartzwelder has been writing and self-publishing novels, most featuring Frank Burly, an incompetent private eye and occasional time traveler.

Nobody wants to read a book. You’ve got to catch their eye with something exciting in the first paragraph, while they’re in the process of throwing the book away. If it’s exciting enough, they’ll stop and read it. 

In his book Dead Men Scare Me Stupid, Swartzwelder follows his own advice opening with 

“Well, they found Amelia Earhart. That’s the good news. Unfortunately, they found her in the trunk of my car.”

Of course, the opening line is just that. An opening line.

Then you’ve got to put something even more exciting in the second paragraph, to suck them in further. And so on. It’s exhausting for everybody, but it’s got to be done.

The Copywriting Connection

Swartzwelder started his writing career as a copywriter for boutique advertising agencies, such as Hurvis, Binzer & Churchill and Van Brunt & Co., both Chicago.

All ad copywriters are expected to write humor or scientific-sounding mumbo jumbo or any other kind of writing, whatever’s needed for the campaign. And they’re expected to write it fast, too, because it’s due tomorrow. Good training, actually.

Swartzweldian 

For comedy writers, a huge compliment is to have one of their jokes called “Swartzweldian.” A Swartzweldian joke is unique, surprising, and sounds almost as if as if it’s always existed. In the words of Matt Selman "uniquely dumb and smart at the same time."

A Swartzweldian example: Outside a pawn shop, Homer stands on a stack of barrels and offers a toast to the crowd: “To alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

_______________
Sources: 

Matt Selman. Swartzwelder The Great - 4/12/08 - Time

Mike Sacks. John Swartzwelder, Sage of “The Simpsons” - 5/2/21 - The New Yorker

It Was Never Really About Drills or Holes

It's more than "don't sell drills, sell holes."

Why do they want a hole?

To put a peephole in their front door?  So they can see who's at the door before opening it?

So, you're not selling a drill or a hole ... you're selling safety.

Now take it to the next level:

Paint a picture of them feeling secure in their home with the safety feature they wanted.

The drill is just a way to get to that transition from feeling unsafe to feeling safe ...

 

... it was never really about drills ... or holes.

Conversation is the Key

The business period between 12/25 and 1/1 is odd. Unlike other times of the year. There is often a post Christmas lull that hangs around 'til the first day of the new year.

During that decidedly different week last year, I added a silly post on LinkedIn.

The post wasn't much, just a quick poke at the ad industry's award culture. But the comments turned it into a fun conversation ... people playing along with the joke and enjoying some light banter. Little to do with business. Everything to do with connection.

Which is a good reminder that social media is about connection and interaction.

Here's the post with a few examples of the150 or so comments, followed by a link to full the post if you want to see all the back and forth.

I am humbled to have won, for the second year in a row, 
the R. Scott Frothingham Award for Copywriting Excellence 
that is presented annually to a copywriter named R. Scott Frothingham.

I encourage you to comment on social media posts and build relationships beyond your typical social/business/academic circle. It's a fun way to meet people, learn things, build your brand, and expand your area of influence. 

You can check out the post and conversation (around 150 comments) at:
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6750046779770724353/ 

UPDATE #1

I won the award again in 2021. Here's the post with some more tongue-in-cheek recognition from the LinkedIn community: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/scottfrothingham_honored-and-humbled-to-win-again-the-award-activity-6885225328063610880-d0X4

UPDATE #2

Go figure, I won the award again in 2022. Here's the post with some more tongue-in-cheek recognition from the LinkedIn community: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/scottfrothingham_award-copywriting-writing-activity-7016472759085977600-x8cW

UPDATE #3

Amazingly, I won the award again in 2023. Here's the post with some more tongue-in-cheek recognition from the LinkedIn community: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/scottfrothingham_awards-awardwinning-awards2023-activity-7142496121288814592-IvqQ