New Year’s Rant

 

New Year’ Eve: That magical moment when the world collectively agrees: “Let’s pretend we can actually change who we are at 11:59 PM.”

Every ad screams, “New Year, New You!” New me? I barely recognize current me. And yet, somehow, I’m supposed to buy kale, gym memberships, and a planner that will sit unused until June.

Then there’s the champagne. Bubbly everywhere. You see ads of people popping bottles in tuxedos and sparkly dresses, smiling like their resolutions are already fulfilled. Meanwhile, I’m in pajamas drinking a gin and tonic with a splash of regret, watching the ceiling like it owes me something.

The parties. Every commercial makes it look like we’re all dancing on rooftops, holding hands as slow-motion confetti falls. In reality, I’ll be stuck in the corner of a living room ... glad I'm not at one of those parties, but questioning if I should be where I actually am.

And, of course, resolutions. Ads love them. Lose weight! Travel! Learn a language! Meanwhile, my resolution is: Don’t lose the Wi-Fi password on January 2nd . 

Sure, new year, new me ... if by “new” you mean “slightly more tired but still trying.”

Wanna know what makes my day?

 A cold December morning. Waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. Sign in to LinkedIn to see this:

Accompanied by supportive words about using my book the way it was intended. Plus using it as an award. Wonderful surprise. Head-swelling compliment. Made my day before my day officially started.

Here's the rest of the LinkedIn post:

Thanks, Dmitry.

Happy Holidays, Copywriters

 

Happy Holidays, Copywriters.

May your headlines be tight, your clients decisive, and your “quick tweaks” limited to under three rounds. 

May your eggnog be strong, your briefs be short, and your inbox mercifully quiet until January.

If nothing else, remember: Santa believes in you. He’s been A/B testing messaging for centuries and still shows up every year.

Rest your brain. Sharpen your wit. We do this all again in Q1.

Christmas Rant

 

Christmas! The holly-jolly season of joy, cheer, and slowly losing all grip on reality as retail jingles drill directly into your cortex. “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” plays on loop while you develop mall PTSD and wonder how wrapping paper suddenly costs more than rent.

Every commercial wants you to buy a luxury SUV with a bow on it. A bow. Like someone woke up on Christmas morning and said, “Honey, I thought socks, a book, and seasonal depression weren’t enough … so I bought you a car we can’t afford.”

Also, the lights. The lights. I plug in one string and my house blows a fuse like it’s trying to protect me from holiday optimism. The neighbor’s display syncs to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and can be seen from space; mine flickers like a sad interrogation lamp.

And the decorating pressure! If a single pine needle falls, someone on Instagram will whisper, “Do they even love Christmas?” Yes, I love Christmas … I’m just losing a silent war with Scotch tape and ribbon that behaves like it has free will.

Meanwhile, Christmas cookies magically become currency. We trade them like sugary NFTs of seasonal affection. Here is a tin of baked love. Cherish it until New Year’s, when we transfer our emotional burdens to gym memberships.

But ultimately, it’s magical, right? We sit by the glow of tree lights, sip cocoa, and ignore receipts like they can’t hurt us if we don’t look directly at them.

Merry Christmas.

May your gift receipts be long and your tree water not smell like swamp soup by December 26th.

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In my family, we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, which basically means December is a festive emotional obstacle course with twice the candles, twice the carbs, and enough decorative lighting to make the neighbors question whether we're trying to signal passing aircraft. It’s chaotic. It’s beautiful. It’s glitter, menorah wax, and cookie crumbs everywhere. And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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How 'bout a holiday song just for marketing writers? Grab a mug of hot chocolate and sing along to: "White Christmas (A Copywriter's Carol)"