New Year’s Rant

 

New Year’ Eve: That magical moment when the world collectively agrees: “Let’s pretend we can actually change who we are at 11:59 PM.”

Every ad screams, “New Year, New You!” New me? I barely recognize current me. And yet, somehow, I’m supposed to buy kale, gym memberships, and a planner that will sit unused until June.

Then there’s the champagne. Bubbly everywhere. You see ads of people popping bottles in tuxedos and sparkly dresses, smiling like their resolutions are already fulfilled. Meanwhile, I’m in pajamas drinking a gin and tonic with a splash of regret, watching the ceiling like it owes me something.

The parties. Every commercial makes it look like we’re all dancing on rooftops, holding hands as slow-motion confetti falls. In reality, I’ll be stuck in the corner of a living room ... glad I'm not at one of those parties, but questioning if I should be where I actually am.

And, of course, resolutions. Ads love them. Lose weight! Travel! Learn a language! Meanwhile, my resolution is: Don’t lose the Wi-Fi password on January 2nd . 

Sure, new year, new me ... if by “new” you mean “slightly more tired but still trying.”