What Can a Copywriter Learn From a Comedy Writer?

Tips on writing from John Swartzwelder.

John Swartzwelder is the legendary writer for the animated TV series The Simpsons. He wrote 59 scripts for the show, more than any other writer in the series history, and is credited as playing a key role in shaping the show into the cultural phenomenon it is today.

The John Swartzwelder method for writing

Since writing is very hard and rewriting is comparatively easy and rather fun, I always write my scripts all the way through as fast as I can, the first day, if possible, putting in crap jokes and pattern dialogue—“Homer, I don’t want you to do that.” “Then I won’t do it.” 

Then the next day, when I get up, the script’s been written. It’s lousy, but it’s a script. The hard part is done. It’s like a crappy little elf has snuck into my office and badly done all my work for me, and then left with a tip of his crappy hat. 

All I have to do from that point on is fix it. So I’ve taken a very hard job, writing, and turned it into an easy one, rewriting, overnight. 

I advise all writers to do their scripts and other writing this way. And be sure to send me a small royalty every time you do it.

Swartzwelder guest appearance on The Simpsons

Since leaving The Simpsons in 2003, Swartzwelder has been writing and self-publishing novels, most featuring Frank Burly, an incompetent private eye and occasional time traveler.

Nobody wants to read a book. You’ve got to catch their eye with something exciting in the first paragraph, while they’re in the process of throwing the book away. If it’s exciting enough, they’ll stop and read it. 

In his book Dead Men Scare Me Stupid, Swartzwelder follows his own advice opening with 

“Well, they found Amelia Earhart. That’s the good news. Unfortunately, they found her in the trunk of my car.”

Of course, the opening line is just that. An opening line.

Then you’ve got to put something even more exciting in the second paragraph, to suck them in further. And so on. It’s exhausting for everybody, but it’s got to be done.

The Copywriting Connection

Swartzwelder started his writing career as a copywriter for boutique advertising agencies, such as Hurvis, Binzer & Churchill and Van Brunt & Co., both Chicago.

All ad copywriters are expected to write humor or scientific-sounding mumbo jumbo or any other kind of writing, whatever’s needed for the campaign. And they’re expected to write it fast, too, because it’s due tomorrow. Good training, actually.

Swartzweldian 

For comedy writers, a huge compliment is to have one of their jokes called “Swartzweldian.” A Swartzweldian joke is unique, surprising, and sounds almost as if as if it’s always existed. In the words of Matt Selman "uniquely dumb and smart at the same time."

A Swartzweldian example: Outside a pawn shop, Homer stands on a stack of barrels and offers a toast to the crowd: “To alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

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Sources: 

Matt Selman. Swartzwelder The Great - 4/12/08 - Time

Mike Sacks. John Swartzwelder, Sage of “The Simpsons” - 5/2/21 - The New Yorker

It Was Never Really About Drills or Holes

It's more than "don't sell drills, sell holes."

Why do they want a hole?

To put a peephole in their front door?  So they can see who's at the door before opening it?

So, you're not selling a drill or a hole ... you're selling safety.

Now take it to the next level:

Paint a picture of them feeling secure in their home with the safety feature they wanted.

The drill is just a way to get to that transition from feeling unsafe to feeling safe ...

 

... it was never really about drills ... or holes.

Conversation is the Key

The business period between 12/25 and 1/1 is odd. Unlike other times of the year. There is often a post Christmas lull that hangs around 'til the first day of the new year.

During that decidedly different week last year, I added a silly post on LinkedIn.

The post wasn't much, just a quick poke at the ad industry's award culture. But the comments turned it into a fun conversation ... people playing along with the joke and enjoying some light banter. Little to do with business. Everything to do with connection.

Which is a good reminder that social media is about connection and interaction.

Here's the post with a few examples of the150 or so comments, followed by a link to full the post if you want to see all the back and forth.

I am humbled to have won, for the second year in a row, 
the R. Scott Frothingham Award for Copywriting Excellence 
that is presented annually to a copywriter named R. Scott Frothingham.

I encourage you to comment on social media posts and build relationships beyond your typical social/business/academic circle. It's a fun way to meet people, learn things, build your brand, and expand your area of influence. 

You can check out the post and conversation (around 150 comments) at:
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6750046779770724353/ 

UPDATE #1

I won the award again in 2021. Here's the post with some more tongue-in-cheek recognition from the LinkedIn community: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/scottfrothingham_honored-and-humbled-to-win-again-the-award-activity-6885225328063610880-d0X4

UPDATE #2

Go figure, I won the award again in 2022. Here's the post with some more tongue-in-cheek recognition from the LinkedIn community: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/scottfrothingham_award-copywriting-writing-activity-7016472759085977600-x8cW

UPDATE #3

Amazingly, I won the award again in 2023. Here's the post with some more tongue-in-cheek recognition from the LinkedIn community: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/scottfrothingham_awards-awardwinning-awards2023-activity-7142496121288814592-IvqQ

 

Zero Risk

 

Your customer is considering purchasing your product or service.

Two factors that weigh heavily on their decision are:

1. The degree they believe that your offer will solve their problem (and they will be better off for having made the purchase).
   
   
2. The level of risk (monetary, ease of use, level of satisfaction, likelihood of getting a result, etc.) associated with buying your product/service.

Factor one is addressed in your sales and marketing outreach and depends on how well you have articulated your message and established your differentiation from other products/services (your unique selling proposition).

Factor two depends on the strength of your guarantee. Often your prospect is afraid of making a bad decision, and that fear can kill a sale. If you can eliminate any risk in purchasing your offer, conversion will be more likely.

Guarantee

A well-written and credible guarantee can help make it easy for the prospect to say, “Yes.”
Here’s a guarantee that I have used successfully:

RISK FREE GUARANTEE

To make your decision easy, I'm going to make your purchase 100% risk free.

I'll give you 60 days to try everything out.

If you aren't satisfied, I'll buy it back from you, no questions asked.

Because we have so many 5-star reviews I know you'll never need the refund, but it's there, just in case.

That way, you have ZERO RISK.

GRAB THIS DFEAL TODAY

 

Risk Reversal

Stronger than “satisfaction guaranteed,” risk reversal means that if the product or service doesn't work out for the customer, they have nothing to lose … BUT ... you, as the seller, do have something to lose.

If the conversion rate is not satisfactory and competitors are offering a similar guarantee, consider testing risk reversal with a Better Than Money Back Guarantee.

A better than money back guarantee adds additional credibility by giving the prospect the opportunity to get more than just their money back. This is easy when you have an offer that includes bonuses beyond the primary product/service. For example, return the blender for a full refund and keep the recipe book bonus.

Testing

Test what level of guarantee works best for your offering. Maybe it’s a 30-day trial period. Maybe it’s 60-days. Or even 365 days.

Interestingly, in the tests I have run 365 days consistently outperforms both 1 year (yes, I know it’s the same thing) and lifetime guarantees.

Also test a standard guarantee vs a risk reversal guarantee.

 
The Last Word

Eliminating risk makes it easier for a prospect to make a buying decision in your favor. Obviously, you should have faith in your offer, because if it doesn’t work, your returns can kill profitability.