SPIN: Faces, Family, & Real Estate Marketing

I just shaved off my quarantine beard.

That's my spin on my new clean-shaven look.

Because prior to this morning, I haven't been beardless for around 20 years, but am now because of an easily avoidable trimming incident that makes me feel like an idiot. A beardless idiot. 

Spin: I meant to do that.

Spin is the way we knowingly offer a biased interpretation of an event or action or comment or whatever gaff that positions ourselves outside the way we want to present ourselves to the world.

My kids have never seen my chin. They will soon. Probably in minutes. As will my wife. I've had a beard since before we were engaged.

If ever there was a time for spin, this is it. 

When we do something potentially embarrassing, such as an inept attempt at facial hair trimming (which until today I had done successfully a few times a week for a couple of decades), we want to tell the story -- or spin it -- in a way that puts us in the best light. 

Outside of politics, the spin that amuses me the most is found in the world of buying and selling residential property.

Real estate is a veritable spin-fest. If an apartment is so small that you have to step out into the hall to change your socks, it is advertised as cozy. If the kitchen appliances are well-worn harvest gold remnants from 1963, the ad boasts original condition. 

Other real estate spin that entertains me includes:

• Beachfront steal translates to, "You ain't never gettin' hurricane insurance on this baby."
• Country living is an indication that your commute will be longer than your work day.
• One-car garage let's you know that, with skill, you can squeeze your Fiat 500 in, but you might not be able to get it out.
• Must see inside is code for: the outside is uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.*
• Usable land is spin for "no trees or landscaping."

As a copywriter, I am often challenged with positioning a product or service in the best possible light while, at the same time being truthful. Sometimes that includes describing a house that brings to mind, "What a dump!" as a home that needs TLC.

I'm glad I don't have to do that in my family.

When they ask, I won't give 'em the spin, I'll tell them the truth: 

• When trimming my beard this morning, I made a stupid error and carved a stubbly swatch from just under the center of my nose to just under my left ear.
  
  
• Then, after a few moments of looking at my gaff in horror and realizing there was no saving any of it, I mowed off the rest. Giving my face a look similar to usable land.
  
  
• When I looked in the mirror, I had trouble recognizing myself. 

The kids'll be surprised. So will my wife. There will be laughter.  

And in a few weeks my clean-shaven appearance will be gone. But the ribbing about letting me near sharp objects won't.

*props to a very funny book: "uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits" is courtesy of Cooter Browns' South Mouth.