The Copywriter Blues: Fixing the Funk

"I feel like I'm digging myself deeper into a rut." 

"It feels like everyone else is kicking ass in their careers while I'm  mired in a funk, feeling sorry for myself."

As a writer, sometimes feelings like this can creep up on you, kick motivation in the crotch, shove enthusiasm to the curb, and launch you into a foggy funk of self doubt. 

Add in a dash of imposter syndrome and your dad's suggestion of a career as a welder is starting to look like a better alternative.

It sucks.

And it seems like there is no end in sight.

You can get through it. But you've gotta be proactive.

First, stop beating yourself up. Accept that this happens. You're normal. 

Next, stop comparing yourself to others. Tomorrow start comparing yourself with today's you. Make incremental progress, trying to be a little better than you were yesterday. Repeat daily. Get some momentum going. 

Once you're slowly moving forward, consider some bigger steps:

• Set a goal for another type of writing and chase it. For example, commit to writing a blog post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday or  to posting everyday on a select social media.
  
  
• Take a course. It doesn't have to be a copywriting course. 
  
  
• Start keeping a gratitude journal and shift your focus from what's bad to what's good.
  
  
• Commit to reading a number of books in a set period of time. For example: two books a month for 3 months. Pick books that will forward your career or books that will give you a break from your career. 
  
  
• Get out. Outdoors. Fresh air. Sunshine.
  
  
• Ignore the news for a while. 24/7 news coverage and constant access to social media can be draining. Limit your consumption to a set period a couple of times a day.
  
  
• Find an activity that brings you joy but is not writing based. Plant a garden. Bake bread. Crochet a blanket. Learn to play an instrument. Take up photography. Start collecting something. Play video games. Dance. Meditate. 
  
  
• Take a vacation. Pick a place you've never been or do something you've always dreamed of doing.
  
  
• Connect with others. Call friends and family. Socialize. Even limited connection with others can help you feel your best.
  
  
• Get a side gig with some relatively easy to reach wins. Write and publish a short story. Volunteer a few hours a week at a charity.
  
  
• Find a physical outlet. Working out. Walking. Kick boxing. Golf. Running. Fishing. Cycling. Bowling. Tennis. Swimming. Yoga.
  
  
• Focus on music. Buy tickets to a few concerts. Pick some artists you like and some artists you are not too familiar with. If tickets are too expensive, explore online options for listening to music you like and discovering music you didn't know you liked.
  
  
• Identify someone else who's having a tough time and help 'em out. 
  
  
• Pick a windmill to tilt at, such as a local, regional, or national cause that could use a volunteer.
  
  
• Make getting enough good sleep a priority.
  
  
• Quit and find yourself a new gig (or freelance). Maybe it's your work environment. If it's toxic and bringing you down, plan a strategic withdrawal.
  
  

Take a shot at one of these. 

Or a few of 'em.

You'll get those copywriter blues in the rearview mirror where they belong.

Now step on the gas.

 

The Magnificent Slogan

When you're writing copy, remember: people are less interested in what you can do and more interested in what you can do for them. 

Here's a great reminder from Apple.

On October 23, 2001, Steve jobs introduces the original iPod. It was significantly smaller than other MP3 players at the time and featured a 5 GB hard drive. 

"1,000 songs in your pocket." 

He could've said, "The world's first portable digital media player."

or 

"It's smaller and has a bigger hard drive than the other guys'."

Instead he offered a shining example of marketing brilliance:

"1,000 songs in your pocket." 

• a clear benefit that was appealing to the target consumer
• a value to the customer clearly and succinctly spelled out 
• a benefit that consumers haven’t heard before
• a short, easy to remember phrase

This messaging was so effective, a variation of it was used again 20 years later.

Here are a dozen other examples of companies who executed on a similar level of excellence:

Greyhound: "Go Greyhound ... and leave the driving to us." 

Miller Lite: "Tastes great, less filling."

M&M: "Melts in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hands."

Maxwell House: "Good to the last drop."

Wheaties: "Breakfast of champions."

American Express: "Don't leave home without it."

Timex: "Takes a licking and keeps on ticking."

Dollar Shave Club: "Shave Time. Shave Money."

MasterCard: "There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard."

De Beers: "A Diamond Is Forever."

Meow Mix: "Tastes So Good, Cats Ask for It By Name"

State Farm: "Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is There"

Maybelline: "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline."

Any others we should add?

Kurt Vonnegut's Gut-wrenching Letter from 1945

It’s Memorial Day. An appropriate day to read Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.’s powerful first letter home after surviving as a German POW during World War II.

Dear people:

I’m told that you were probably never informed that I was anything other than “missing in action.” Chances are that you also failed to receive any of the letters I wrote from Germany. That leaves me a lot of explaining to do — in precis:

I’ve been a prisoner of war since December 19th, 1944, when our division was cut to ribbons by Hitler’s last desperate thrust through Luxemburg and Belgium. Seven Fanatical Panzer Divisions hit us and cut us off from the rest of Hodges’ First Army. The other American Divisions on our flanks managed to pull out: We were obliged to stay and fight. Bayonets aren’t much good against tanks: Our ammunition, food and medical supplies gave out and our casualties out-numbered those who could still fight – so we gave up. The 106th got a Presidential Citation and some British Decoration from Montgomery for it, I’m told, but I’ll be damned if it was worth it. I was one of the few who weren’t wounded. For that much thank God.

Well, the supermen marched us, without food, water or sleep to Limberg, a distance of about sixty miles, I think, where we were loaded and locked up, sixty men to each small, unventilated, unheated box car. There were no sanitary accommodations — the floors were covered with fresh cow dung. There wasn’t room for all of us to lie down. Half slept while the other half stood. We spent several days, including Christmas, on that Limberg siding. On Christmas eve the Royal Air Force bombed and strafed our unmarked train. They killed about one-hundred-and-fifty of us. We got a little water Christmas Day and moved slowly across Germany to a large P.O.W. Camp in Muhlburg, South of Berlin. We were released from the box cars on New Year’s Day. The Germans herded us through scalding delousing showers. Many men died from shock in the showers after ten days of starvation, thirst and exposure. But I didn’t.

Under the Geneva Convention, Officers and Non-commissioned Officers are not obliged to work when taken prisoner. I am, as you know, a Private. One-hundred-and-fifty such minor beings were shipped to a Dresden work camp on January 10th. I was their leader by virtue of the little German I spoke. It was our misfortune to have sadistic and fanatical guards. We were refused medical attention and clothing: We were given long hours at extremely hard labor. Our food ration was two-hundred-and-fifty grams of black bread and one pint of unseasoned potato soup each day. After desperately trying to improve our situation for two months and having been met with bland smiles I told the guards just what I was going to do to them when the Russians came. They beat me up a little. I was fired as group leader. Beatings were very small time: — one boy starved to death and the SS Troops shot two for stealing food.

On about February 14th the Americans came over, followed by the R.A.F. their combined labors killed 250,000 people in twenty-four hours and destroyed all of Dresden — possibly the world’s most beautiful city. But not me.

After that we were put to work carrying corpses from Air-Raid shelters; women, children, old men; dead from concussion, fire or suffocation. Civilians cursed us and threw rocks as we carried bodies to huge funeral pyres in the city.

When General Patton took Leipzig we were evacuated on foot to (‘the Saxony-Czechoslovakian border’?). There we remained until the war ended. Our guards deserted us. On that happy day the Russians were intent on mopping up isolated outlaw resistance in our sector. Their planes (P-39’s) strafed and bombed us, killing fourteen, but not me.

Eight of us stole a team and wagon. We traveled and looted our way through Sudetenland and Saxony for eight days, living like kings. The Russians are crazy about Americans. The Russians picked us up in Dresden. We rode from there to the American lines at Halle in Lend-Lease Ford trucks. We’ve since been flown to Le Havre.

I’m writing from a Red Cross Club in the Le Havre P.O.W. Repatriation Camp. I’m being wonderfully well feed and entertained. The state-bound ships are jammed, naturally, so I’ll have to be patient. I hope to be home in a month. Once home I’ll be given twenty-one days recuperation at Atterbury, about $600 back pay and — get this — sixty (60) days furlough.

I’ve too damned much to say, the rest will have to wait, I can’t receive mail here so don’t write.

May 29, 1945

Love,

Kurt – Jr.

Half Full or Half Empty?

“The job interviewer placed half a glass of water on the desk and asked me
if I was an optimist or a pessimist. I drank the water and told him I was a problem solver.”

Friend and business mentor, Steve Seymour, told me this story from the early days of his career.

Ever since I have waited for someone to plunk a glass in front of me and ask the same question.

It hasn’t happened. But I’m ready if it does.

Of course, there are other ways to answer the “Is the glass half full or half empty?” question, including:

• The glass is actually full … half full of water and half full of air.
  
  
• The glass is 2 times bigger than it needs to be.
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job as an engineer, consider rephrasing the answer above: “The volumetric capacity of the vessel is approximately twice of that which is required to contain the entirety of the liquid.”
  
  
• I don’t care … I’m just grateful to have something to drink.
  
  
• Both. The bottom is half full and the top is half empty.
  
  
• Depends on how thirsty I am.
  
  
• Doesn’t matter. The glass is refillable.
  
  
• Depends. Are you dying from thirst or suffocation? Given the situation, what might be mistaken for nothing, might be more valuable than the water.
  
  
• If you're applying for a job in marketing, ask: "Which is the more effective way to position this with the target audience? Half full or half empty?"
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job in IT support, consider suggesting: “Try emptying the glass and then refilling it.”
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job as a business analyst, try: “Move the air to the bottom and the liquid to the top to make it more accessible.”
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job as a psychologist, consider this response: “The glass’s water part refers to positives in life, such as available options and potentials. The empty part of the glass refers to negatives in life, such as hindrances and limitations. To have a healthy outlook, you must acknowledge both.” Or you could just ask: "How does this glass make you feel?"
  
  
• If you’re applying for a job teaching English literature, ask: "What is the symbolism of the glass not being completely full?"
  
  
• If you’re running for political office, say: "The glass would be emptier if the opposition were in charge." If you’re a member of the opposition suggest: “The glass would be full if we were in charge.”
  
  
• If you're applying for an advanced degree in quantum mechanics, cover the glass with a black cloth and refer to it as "Schrödinger's glass of water."
  
  
• If you're applying for a job as an accountant, suggest: "The glass is 50% in the red."
  
  
• If you're applying for a job as a nutritionist, consider stating: "There isn't enough water for a person's daily needs."
  
  
• If you're applying for a job in sales, respond with "Let's talk a bout the benefits of ice."
  
  
• If you need to stall for time, try: “Hey. That's a nice glass.”

Me? I’m emulating Steve. I’m chugging the water and responding: “I’m a problem solver.” 

I might even slam the empty glass on the desktop for emphasis.

The rest of the story. 

When he told me about this moment from his past, Steve added that, in retrospect, it was a ridiculous question to ask in an interview and, if he were ever asked if he was an optimist or a pessimist that way in a business situation, he'd throw the water on questioner and say, "I'm an asshole."