Yep, it’s pumpkin spice season. That magical time of year when the leaves turn orange, the air gets crisp, and very coffee shop transforms into a pumpkin-themed hostage situation.
And now, like a viral infection, it's spread beyond lattes and breakfast pastries: It seems that every corporation has collectively decided that everything you consume must taste like a scented candle. You can now pick up pumpkin spice cereal, popcorn, hummus … HUMMUS. What culinary genius decided chickpeas needed to taste like Thanksgiving dessert?
At this point, I’m expecting my multivitamins to come in “Autumn Harvest” flavor and my dentist to offer a pumpkin spice root canal.
And heaven forbid you don’t like pumpkin spice. Suddenly,
you’re not participating in the season. You’re a monster. A joyless,
cinnamon-deficient goblin. No ... I just want to taste my food without feeling
like I’m being gently strangled by a Yankee Candle.
But hey … I get it. Autumn is beautiful. The leaves are
changing, the air is crisp, and everything feels a little cozier.
So, happy fall.
May your coffee taste like coffee, your candles remain
strictly decorative, and your pumpkin spice exposure be limited to medically
acceptable levels.
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If you enjoyed this quick rant, you should enjoy this quick poem: The Sneering Pumpkin
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And, of course, this from Joe Lennon:
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