Full Plane

Open seat next to me. 

Fingers crossed. Hoping I'd have the row to myself for the flight.

It was a small jet. Two seats on either side of the aisle. I was in the first row of economy in an aisle seat.

I watched as the other 60 passengers entered the cabin and walked towards me. I sent nonverbal messages to each new traveler:

"No. No. No." 

"Not here. Not here. Not here."

The plane was filling up. The 2 seats across the aisle were now occupied as were the two directly behind be.

Fingers crossed. 

The number of passengers boarding slowed. Still no one claiming the empty window seat to my left.

"Please ... oh please ... oh please ... oh please ..."

At the time I weighed over 250 pounds. Airline seats were not my friend. The idea of raising the center arm and spilling over into an open seat was making me almost giddy in anticipation. No rubbing shoulders. No thigh-to-thigh contact. No elbow jostling on the arm rest.

The line of passengers dwindled and finally ended. The seat remained unclaimed. I don't like flying in these little jets, but the empty seat next to me was making it much, much better.

Until I heard these words coming from the jetway:

"I didn't think I was going to make it."

The next words were worse.

"Excuse me."

And, with the exception of basketball player Charles Barkley, the largest man I have ever seen in person wedged himself into the window seat. And partially into mine, even though I was already filling it to overflowing.

Aside from the obvious discomfort, I knew what else was coming.

Forced to lean to the right, I knew that everybody walking to the rest room would bump my shoulder. 

And the drink cart posed a threat of potential injury.

I had planned on reading but my left arm was pinned by my seatmate and my right arm was dangling in the aisle."Whattayagonnado?" I thought to myself, sighed, and closed my eyes. 

I fell asleep. Perhaps it was a form of self-protecting dormancy.

Later, the feeling I was being watched brought me slowly awake.

As I gained consciousness, through my partially open eyes I could see the flight attendant looking at me. She had a slight smile.

"Could she be interested in me?" I thought drowsily.

No. She was looking at me like I was an cuddly puppy, not as an object of desire.

It was then I realized that my seatmate was also sleeping.

My head on his shoulder. His head on my head.

Guess we made a cute couple.

_________________________

The photo above is not my seat mate. It’s Brian Shaw, the 6'8" and 420 pound winner of the World’s Strongest Man competition in 2011 and 2013. It’s a still from a video on his YouTube Channel Shawstrength. Was my fellow traveler this big? Probably not, but at the time he seemed bigger.

How to be a Better Writer

Wanna be a better writer?

Write.

Yes, get instruction.

Yes, get feedback.

But, most importantly, write.

A lot.

At the age of 81, virtuoso cellist Pablo Casals was asked

why he continued to practice 4 and 5 hours a day.

Casals answered:

"Because I think I am making progress."

The pursuit of excellence and mastery in your craft never ends.

Can You Relate?

I had to write to the teacher when one of my children missed a day of school.

It was my daughter, Caroline, who was then in the second or third grade.

I was having my breakfast one morning when she appeared with her lunch box, her rain slicker, and everything, and she said, “I need an absence note for the teacher and the bus is coming in a few minutes.”

She gave me a pad and a pencil; even as a child she was very thoughtful.

So I wrote down the date and I started, Dear Mrs. So-and-so, my daughter Caroline…and then I thought, No, that’s not right, obviously it’s my daughter Caroline.

I tore that sheet off, and started again.

Yesterday, my child . . .

No, that wasn’t right either. Too much like a deposition.

This went on until I heard a horn blowing outside. The child was in a state of panic.

There was a pile of crumpled pages on the floor, and my wife was saying, “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this.”

She took the pad and pencil and dashed something off.

I had been trying to write the perfect absence note. It was a very illuminating experience.

Writing is immensely difficult.

The short forms especially.


That's how American novelist E.L. Doctorow responded to George Plimpton's question about the most difficult thing for a writer to write.

Kicking Butt in Restaurant Marketing

We were right next door to the Villa d'Este Restaurant. The smell of garlic being sautéed in butter would sneak into our tiny ad agency.

Convenient, 'cause when my partner Tom and I would work late, which was just about every night, we could be seated by the host/owner in minutes after realizing how hungry we were.

And the food. Nino, the diminutive chef with only a few words of English ... his cooking was incredible. His Chicken Saltimbocca could bring a tear to the eye of the most discerning gourmand.

One evening, Tom called the owner over to our table and said, "We love the food. You guys should have more customers. How 'bout we trade marketing and advertising for meals?"

It was a good deal. The restaurant got busier. Our cash flow improved and we loosened our belts a notch.

And a buzz about our agency started circulating in local restaurants. We started doing a brisk business with menu re-writes/redesigns, logos, signage, and ad concepts/production/placement.

We learned a fair amount about the restaurant business. Probably the most important was "Cash in advance. No exceptions."

As the demand for our services grew in this sector, we developed a 15-point checklist we we'd use in "secret shopper" visits before meeting with owners to determine whether or not we would pursue the business. If the restaurant got too many bad grades, we'd pass, knowing  that it had issues that marketing and advertising couldn't fix.

If you're working with local restaurants, or want to, maybe our checklist will come in handy:

1. Booking experience (easy? friendly? welcoming? relaxed? quick? helpful?) 

2. Signage (visibility? legibility? branding? inviting? explanatory?) 

3. Parking lot (inviting? littered? building and landscaping condition?)

4. Restaurant cleanliness (dirty surfaces? smell? in disrepair? neglected?)

5. Restroom conditions (clean? fresh? maintained?)

6. Tabletop: glasses, silverware (clean? spotless? matching? worn?)

7. Menus (design? readability? descriptive? old? stained? torn?)

8. Menu offerings (too many pages? too many items? profit items not highlighted? specials?)

9. Theme: consistent or inconsistent (e.g., French restaurant inside, Florida beach themed patio outside, Italian entrees on the menu or Irish pub decor, Indian cuisine)

10. Management, host/hostess, wait staff engagement (welcoming? bored? attentive? trained? flexible?)

11. Kitchen (clean? organized? chaotic? loud? out-of-control?) 

12. Wait time for food and course delivery pacing (short? long? unacceptable?)

13.  Orders (correct? delivered to the correct guest?)

14. Food presentation (appetizing? messy? attractive arrangement on plate?)

15. Food (portion size? taste? smell?)

The more we made good restaurants busier, the stronger our reputation became. And word got out to owners of other local businesses, and our little shop got bigger. 

The moral of the story: If you want marketing and advertising to work, start with a good product that provides a positive impression on/experience for the targeted consumer.